Have I commited the unforgivable sin of blasphemy against the Holy Spirit just because it seems delusional?

I used to loooove meditating on Jesus a year ago, the Pion (brill film go mel woooo) but now I feel nothing about Jesus because I got upset when changing my mind on beliefs...awww. But in the end I don't care as long as I know what the truth is. On Sunday I went to church and as usual I tried to convince myself that there was the Holy Spirit inside me making me happy but Mary in the Pion me coz she's soo fine and now I've gone back to ignorant sinner who loves to out of natural justified instinct of the flesh, a material that covers my body that I think is special and condemning it would be a crime against yourself. Therefore masturbating isn't but many of you christians think it is, so I just wanna know hoooooow you have come to follow Christ when like it's so dull because I have accepted him in tears and guilt of my sins and yet nothing has happened. So I know that when we feel good listening to hymns and music and going to church is just an emotion No delusion